Monthly Archives: April 2012

Our elders: a resource we’re wasting.

Posted on April 30, 2012 by dgermann

Our elders: a resource we’re wasting.

:- Doug.

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turn our heads when lost

Posted on April 29, 2012 by dgermann

We often get stuck in what’s not working, what’s the problem. Let us resolve to turn our heads when lost and see what is working.

In our families, when we are hurt or afraid and want to pull away, we may help this way.

:- Doug.

Posted in Conversation, Family | Leave a comment

Untangling the emotions

Posted on April 28, 2012 by dgermann

Yesterday I met with two sisters to converse about care for Mom. The meeting grew heated; one was dog tired.

The sisters have a need to continue as family. Both need to find a way to deal with their emotions.

To do that, they need to see what the emotions are and untangle them, so they can address them. The emotions are serving us, giving us something valuable. The emotions are telling us something needs attention. So we need to bring that attention. But not on the emotion, on what the emotion is telling us: what is important here?

:- Doug.

Posted in Family, Long-Term Care | Leave a comment

We do not die alone

Posted on April 27, 2012 by dgermann

We do not die alone. We die in the midst of us. In most settings, the person is ripped from the cloth, leaving stretched and torn threads. We all die a bit, we all contract, we might expand. If the death is witnessed, there is an exchange, and often it is good for the witness. Something in us goes away, maybe a familiar touch, a voice on which we depended. What is happening is that between is changed.

:- Doug.

Posted in Death and dying, Family, Grieving | Leave a comment

Being part of a good death

Posted on April 26, 2012 by dgermann

What does it mean to you to have a good death? What does it mean to a family to be part of a good death? Given the people you are given in your family, what might a good death be?

:- Doug.

Posted in Death and dying, Family | Leave a comment

Playing well together

Posted on April 26, 2012 by dgermann

In families we love to devise ways to play well together. Does more experience with playing together help us? Does more experience with playing well together help us?

:- Doug.

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Do we want to let them?

Posted on April 25, 2012 by dgermann

Out of fear some people do not want to have the conversation about care of Mother or Father at end of life. What is the antidote to fear? Love. How can love step in? Firmly? Some other way? What would Mother do?

What if the reason is not fear but something else?

Can we connect with those who do not want to be connected? Can we write them, journal to them, do any good by writing to them then tearing it all up? Do they really want to turn their backs? Do we want to let them?

:- Doug.

Posted in Conversation, Death and dying, Emergency/Crisis Medical, Family, Healing and Wholeness | Leave a comment

Affording you as client

Posted on April 25, 2012 by dgermann

If at the start you have to ask what a service will cost, maybe I cannot afford you as a client. Maybe you are so hung up on money that you will be blinded to doing what you need. That could tie my hands—and yours.

:- Doug.

Posted in Caring | Leave a comment

Don’t count on the VA….

Posted on April 24, 2012 by dgermann

Don’t count on the Veteran’s Administration or even Medicaid for all your Long-Term Care. You still need love: a kind touch, a cold wash cloth.

:- Doug.

Posted in Family, Long-Term Care | Leave a comment

Given Mom’s dementia or decline….

Posted on April 24, 2012 by dgermann

Given this—Dad’s dementia or Mom’s decline—how can we fit together, now? What are our special gifts, needs, fears and visions, and what’s possible with us?

:- Doug.

Posted in Family, Healing and Wholeness, Long-Term Care | Leave a comment

Indiana Premier: Last Will & Embezzlement

Posted on April 23, 2012 by dgermann

Friends–

Come out and see, without cost, the Indiana premier of the documentary (featuring Mickey Rooney), “Last Will and Embezzlement.”

Wednesday evening, May 30, 2012, at the O’Laughlin Auditorium at Saint Mary’s College, Notre Dame, IN. Doors open 6:00 pm, Film begins at 7:00, with panel presentation featuring the film’s writer & producer, Pamela Glasner. A dessert reception starts at 6:00 pm.

It is free, but you must rsvp to 574/239-8364, or email padams@hcc-nd.edu.

This film is about financial exploitation. A trailer is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJCDQpqHPEQ and more info of this event can be found here: http://gcmichiana.com/month9.aspx.

Come and watch!

:- Doug.

Posted in Healing and Wholeness | Leave a comment

Is wanting to die at home unrealistic?

Posted on April 23, 2012 by dgermann

Yesterday I saw a writing which suggested that wanting to die at home is looking at things through rose colored glasses, that many families are overwhelmed with caring for someone at home and prefer in the end to have the help of a hospital or other institution. Yet it seems to me the question is more nuanced even than that. It depends on the pictures people hold in their heads. What does dying look like? What do we want it to look like now, for this person we love? What is the role of technology, and for how long? Specifically, do we need beeping machines and computer monitors, wires and tubes to care for this loved one, or are blankets and wash cloths and hugs more important? Is quiet better than machines at whole-making? Are we afraid to touch? Are we afraid to see? Do we see our own mortality, or do we choose to see someone who needs our loving, someone who is loving us?

:- Doug.

Posted in Death and dying, Family | Leave a comment

What can we find?

Posted on April 23, 2012 by dgermann

What can we find in elder conversation?

:- Doug.

Posted in Conversation, Eldering | Leave a comment

Will me a secret

Posted on April 22, 2012 by dgermann

Will me a secret
Playful one
Will me a piece of junk
That I have the fun
Of figuring why you’d
Will me that
Secret

:- Doug.

Posted in Poetry, Wills | Leave a comment

Retirement: bringing family closer

Posted on April 22, 2012 by dgermann

There is another image coming for me today: retirement, our own later years, turning them purposely toward bringing family closer together. We work and play with these our family members, children, grandchildren, sister, brother, individually and together. With renewed intention we move toward interweaving our lives with one another. This certainly starts bringing my practice into my life and my life into my practice.

:- Doug.

Posted in Aging, Eldering, Family | Leave a comment

I am not the expert

Posted on April 21, 2012 by dgermann

I am not the expert. I am not here to teach you anything. You are the experts. You will teach—and invent me and each other.

:- Doug.

Posted in Conversation, Eldering, Family | Leave a comment

Financial planning these days….

Posted on April 21, 2012 by dgermann

Much financial planning these days is grounded in an unstated end game of self sufficiency. It’s all about me. We will not rely upon our children in our retirement, we will do what we want. We will not even involve our children. This is moving counter to the direction of humanity which is itself coming together, toward community from lone stranger among us. Do we really want to be the me generation? Is it our highest and best?

:- Doug.

Posted in Eldering, Family | Leave a comment