A good way to die: When is love appropriate?

There is a big difference between working to end life and allowing life and death to take its course without fighting it interminably and pigheadedly. People must be allowed to die their own ways, whether violently and with invasive and intrusive measures, or comfortably and with gentle human touches. More, we must make an effort to help with things like comfort, companionship (no one should have to die alone), and advocacy.

But more than this, and underlying it, we should check at the door our own assumptions about what is a good way to die. We often do not know we have assumptions. Like the woman who made her dying aunt eat her favorite foods when the aunt’s body was shutting down and could no longer tolerate food. Or like the person who remembers the death of his mother and wants or does not want the same thing for his father. We have to have the conversation.

Twice in my life in the last few months young women fell down the steps or crashed their car, and their families were forced to decide to end life support which was not helping. By and large, these situations determine their own decisions.

But what of the chronically ill, frail 90 year old who has pneumonia? Or a gangrene leg? Or whose heart stops? Do we beat on his chest, shock her with so many volts, bring her back with brain damage to suffer seizure after seizure? Or do we let these “old folks’ friends” gently take them where they (and we) are already headed?

“Playing God” is on both sides of this path. Whether we use or do not use modern science to prolong someone’s death (and maybe suffering too), we are intervening in an otherwise natural process. When is it good? How much is good? What is good?

Maybe those are not the ultimate questions. Maybe we could ask: When is love appropriate? How much love can we give? What is loving here and now?

:- Doug.

About dgermann

Elder Caring Lawyer
This entry was posted in Caring, Death and living while dying, Emergency/Crisis Medical, Family, Grieving, Healing and Wholeness. Bookmark the permalink.

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