- Radical conversing heals
- A work of parent and child, and of lovers
- Cancer and gentle loving metaphors
- Let us be gentle with one another
- Four meanings of your life?
- The profession of people meeting well:
- Completing our living is peeling an onion:
- a warp and woof you cannot unweave
- Observation Status Fact Sheet
- The classical guides in dying
- Why does it matter?
- The end of life conversation is about justice–
- When settling in to tell a story to children
- We’re all amateurs
- While you’re yet living….
- Great quantities of unknown
- Less a technician am I than lover & hearer & fan
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Monthly Archives: March 2011
What are the 100 important daily things you want to do up to the moment you die? The things that make living worth going on? Last night I asked this of a group of people and got responses like Ride my motorcycle, Hug my grandkids, Kiss my spouse. Then they went deeper: Go to church, Do for others, Read the Bible, Pray.
As I think about it now, perhaps I wonder: Why is Bible and church and learning to let go important? Why is connection with your loved ones important? Why is it important that you can say “I love you?”
The healing work of the lawyer includes also healing the family over this losing of Mom and Dad to a disease or a grave, slowly or suddenly.
How do we, together, heal your family? What does your family need? What is it most crying out for? This raises the question not of psychological or emotional healing, nor of economic healing, nor of spiritual healing, but of all of these, and much more, working together. It is the together that the lawyer works to heal.
What to say to these caregivers? Not much. Simply invite to wholeness. Ask what are the good times? Are there compensations? What is working you these days?
Weal is related to will and wish and well. So a Will is a Wish that another be Well. It pulls us out of ourselves to think of another, to think of the other’s well-being.
Law is one of the three original healing professions. I work to extend that healing work.
Do you have a life expectancy
Or an expectancy of life?
Making a Will is not a math problem: it is a blood, sinew and brain question: How Will I love you?
The point of conversation in elder caring is not that you need an expert to navigate this getting older maze but that we need each other. Our group brain is bigger than any one of our brains. When you come to me for help, I need help too: from REAL Services, Inc. (our Area Agency on Aging), from caseworkers, from other lawyers—of course; but also from you and as many of your family as we can gather. For what you want and love and the work you want yet to do and the work you want to leave to others to complete—all of that help I need in order that we, together, do our job well. Our job? Making life whole.
What, son, would you like to inherit from me?
Most folks have not thought very widely or deeply about how to make a Will—or even at all.
Look at it this way: over your life you have collected a whole lot of good stuff, and some of it even has a Dollar value. Some of who you are and what your life is, is living stuff—projects, ideas, dreams, plans, wisdom, bucket lists.
What of these and like things do you have? Ask some questions: to whom is each thing most valuable? Who could benefit most from it? Of what does each person in your life have need?
When someone dies, watch out for those dump trucks—beep!–beep!–beep! They’re backing in, ready to unload everything in one heap—toys, money, old galoshes, seeds, growing seedlings and saplings and large sequoias.
Contrast that with the person who carefully, lovingly matches gifts with recipients—those who need, those who can take the unfinished work further, those who will enjoy what she has long enjoyed, those who will get her soft joke.
When you make your Will, are you making a dump cake, or a better future (for your kids, for others)? How wide do you stir?
Are you merely unloading the dump truck, or are you consciously arranging your gifts to have the most good effect?
In your old age
Give your children and grandchildren
The joy of the burden of you